sexiest hotels in the world
what is better than sex?
sex at the ritz Paris.
in my opnion, there is nothing hotter than making memories of fucking in a ridiculously beautiful hotel. meticulously placed warm lighting, sheets so crisp it almost makes you horny, that signature hotel scent flowing through the vents, not feeling guilty about having sex on The furniture, and post-orgasm room service. these are the moments I live for.
early on in my career as a call girl, I noticed there were actually big differences In 5 star hotels. yes some are decorated beautifully, and some have amazing food. but quickly I noticed the best of the best offered this one thing: they never say no. so, I have compiled a list of hotels where not only do they have the most beautiful property, the food is over the top, the concierge actually has power, and the service is so good you will never want to leave.
las ventanas al paraíso San José del cabo
this is the first hotel that I experienced with never-say-no service. their motto is literally “where we do everything and you do nothing” and if that doesn’t turn you on I don’t know what will. this hotel is the basis for what I consider perfect, it hits every spot, and has consistently since their opening since 1997. with multiple different restaurants that are all insanely good, a spa with treatments that actually work, a walkable property with so many pools you can’t count them all, this hotel is a must stay. their base room is over 900 sq ft too, so no matter what room you select you will be comfortable and relaxed. make sure to get their car service into the resort, it’s a great first taste of the essence of las Ventanas.
an absolute fairytale, photos don’t even come close to the beauty that is the ritz Paris (not affiliated with the ritz Carlton brand) in person. the attention to detail goes far beyond the design - everything you can think of has been perfected by them. the service and concierge here is beyond amazing. I will never get over when I told the concierge that I wanted to go shopping and they said “if you don’t want to leave your room, don’t worry, we can pick out items from your favorite shops, bring them to your room and you pick out what you like and we will send back what you don’t want.” that blew me away. my best tip is booking a junior or executive suite (or higher) because their rooms are petite - if you’re spending $2.5k/night for 300sq ft you might as well spend the extra money to upgrade to a suite for $4k/night. the ritz Paris (well, really all of the hotels I love) is not a place to cut corners. you will definitely not be Saving money here, and it will be an absolute pleasure the entire time.
this is possibly the most beautiful hotel in the world. it’s an old 5 story palace converted into an aman property, with the original owners still living on the 5th floor. arriving by water taxi, the sweetest staff you’ll ever meet greet you at the back entrance of the hotel. I recommend booking a massage with Elisa upon your arrival to shake off the post-plane crust. Elisa is the most caring and passionate masseuse I have ever had, and I have had a criminally high amount of massages in my life. after you see Elisa, walk into your Alcova Tiepolo Suite and enjoy the welcome snacks while the staff unpacks your bags for you. go downstairs for the most beautiful dining experience of your life AT THEIR MAIN DINING ROOM. I RECOMMEND GOING IN MARCH, April, OR October WHEN YOU CAN AVOID thE HEAT AND THE CROWDS. IF IT RAINS, you'll spend MORE TIME IN THE ROOM which IS A treat ANYWAYS. VENICE IS TEN TIMES MORE MAGICAL WHEN YOU STAY HERE. I PROMISE YOU won'T REGRET IT.
le sirenuse positano
the views at this hotel are as if Monet and Van Gogh collaborated on a painting of a hillside Italian city. so incredibly gorgeous you wouldn’t even care if the rest of the hotel sucked. but it doesn’t. in fact le sirenuse goes above and beyond to please. this is by far one of the most romantic getaways in the world. the service is more than what you’d expect, the food will make you not even want to leave the hotel to eat, and every corner of this property is so picturesque it will leave you in disbelief. my advice: spend the day lounging at the pool, soak up the views from your room and enjoy a pre-dinner fuck before dinner, eat the best pasta of your life, then run down to the beach outside of the property for a midnight skinny dipping session. even better advice: book late may/early June, late aug/early September because peak July and august can get way too hot and humid.
petit ermitage los angeles
I wouldn’t particularly call this the most luxurious hotel in the world - but it is by far one of the sexiest. the entire hotel is dimly lit, decorated with bohemian art and furniture, and the vibe on the 24 hour clothing optional rooftop is something you’ll never forget. most times I plan a stay here I don’t buy a return ticket because I know I will want to keep extending. something about the hotel is so communal, so rockstar, and so sexual. don’t expect the service to be quick, the staff is kind but unreliable, and you just have to go in not giving a fuck because you know that the activities to ensue will make it all worth it. pro-tip: ask for a room facing Cynthia on the 2nd-4th floor, and make sure to have sex on the roof top after 1am. it’s iconic.