why your wife won’t have sex with you
I would estimate about 80% of my clients are married. and 100% of those clients still truly love their wives. but that creates the question - why do they want a mistress? if they still love their wives, why be unfaithful? the answer is always lack of sex, enthusiasm around sex, and being scared to be vulnerable with their wife during sex. some couples are only having sex once a month, once a year, and some haven’t slept with each other for years. on the husbands end, my clients say time and time again “I really, really want to have sex with my wife but she’s truly just uninterested.” or “we just don’t have the time, we are both so tired at the end of the day and I don’t want to bother her.” sometimes it’s “she just doesn’t like sex”
none of these statements are the real answer.
your wife isn’t fucking you anymore because you’re not turning her on.
there’s a solution, though, and it’s going to take time. and a lot of effort and hard work. but I know you love your wife, you know you Love your wife, and we both know it’ll be worth it.
step 1 - start going to therapy.
yes you’re going to have to do some inner work. women are only able to be turned on when they feel safe. your relationship with your wife has been deep, meaningful, and your marriage is a commitment to be each others safe space. but if you’re not recognizing her bids for attention, you have stopped telling her secrets, you don’t sit down at least once a day to have meaningful conversation where you listen to and validate her and she does the same for you, she’s probably feeling like she cannot be safe or fully seen with you. and thats the basis of her being turned off.
once you start seeing a therapist or counselor that can help you work on yourself and give you the building blocks to the foundation of a happy and full relationship, she will reciprocate your energy and start to blossom. if she's not, it’s probably time for therapy for her, or together as a couple. a healthy woman will be able to recognize your bids for attention, listen to your secrets and tell you hers, and validate your feelings in any conversation. the two of you should really start feeling seen and understood by each other.
step 2 - soft foreplay
and I mean like super soft. women are turned on through conversation And ideas. get her a really awesome erotic book to read and leave a sexy note inside of the cover. ask her if she has a new favorite flower, buy Her a bouquet, and write a letter to go with - all about how beautiful and sexy she is. give her a bath, or shower with her and wash her body, don’t put pressure on her returning the favor. set up your bedroom with candles to surprise her, and tell her “I just want to relax with you” don’t put any pressure on sex at all. just have an awesome conversation. this is long game! she is so worth it.
step 3 - learn what she likes
reAD EROTICA WITH HER OR TO HER. LEarn what roleplay would turn her on the most, whether she likes slow motions or fast. be gentle and I mean super gentle. if you think you’re touching her lightly, go even lighter. tease her and never ever rush. quickies can be super hot, but you need to remind her of why she will want those quickies in the future. ask her how she wants the lighting to be, what time of day she is most relaxed, what you can do to make her more relaxed. buy her the best vibrator ever, and ask her whether she kind of sex toys she likes the most. remember that using sex toys during sex is hot, and its nOT A COMPETITION BETWEEN YOU AND THE SEX TOY. ITS A COMPLIMENT TO YOUR SKILLS AS WELL, THE VIBRATOR IS THE CHERRY ON TOP. you're GOING TO NEED TO learn how to give really, really good head. HIRE your FAVORITE COMPANION TO HELP TEACH YOU, WATCH AN informaTIONAL video THAT BREAKS DOWN THE DIFFERENT techniques. BE CURIOUS AND REASSURING WITH HER. A LOT OF WOMEN THINK THAT THEIR PARTNER IS JUDGING theM, WHETHER it's ABOUT BODY IMAGE, FANTASIES, NOISES, SMELLS, ETC. LET HER know THAT YOU THINK WHATEVER SHE DOES IS SO FUCKING HOT.
STEP 4 - DOING THE DIRTY
NOW THAT YOU BOTH HAVE A DEEPER UNDERSTANDING OF EACH OTHERS DESIRES, PENETRATIVE SEX IS COMING INTO PLAY. AFTER A LOT (DAYS OR WEEKS) OF SOFT FOREPLAY, and AS MANY NIGHTS As she wants of full on foreplay, ask her to tell you when she’s ready to have penetrative sex and reassure her that its no pressure at all. let her know how much of a pleasure it is just to hang out with such a sexy woman like her. when it does come down to it, MY BEST ADVICE - LUBE IT UP. BUY A REALLY AWESOME WATER BASED LUBE and USE A VERY generous AMOUNT ON HER AND YOU. THIS TAKES THE PRESSURE OFF OF “GETTING WET” AND SHE CAN JUST FOCUS ON enjoying. never ever go straight into penetrative sex, kissing, licking, touching, using sex toys, and oral sex should all be the appetizers. pull out her favorite vibrator, or the biggest vibrator you can find, and use It on her clit while you are fucking her. and please place it properly so that its actually stimulating her. if you’re not for sure, hand it to her to take over or ask her “what’s the perfect spot for this? I want you to show me”. awesome penetration at her desired speed + vibrator + lots of foreplay = best sex ever.
step 5 - following up
after sex, take care of her. cuddle, kiss, laugh, hug, fall asleep together or eat a snack, take a bath, listen to her. ask her what she liked and what she didn’t like. reassure her there’s no judgment, you just want to be better for her. the next day have a special treat for her, maybe her favorite meal, a love letter, a special text or a long hug. something you know she will love. continue to be curious about her, create a trusting and loving environment for her to flourish in, and she will return the favor. women are very caring creatures, they truly blossom when their needs are met. remember that hormonal cycles for women are on a monthly basis, and men are on a 24 hour basis. her sex drive will be different everyday, that is normal. make time for romance, at least once a week set up something special that you can do together. prioritize your relationship and you will see the fruits of your labor.
my final comments,
you may ask yourself “why the hell is claudia trying to make my relationship with my wife better? isn’t that counterproductive for a professional mistress like her?” and yes, while there’s the potential that you will stop seeing me because you feel like you don’t need to anymore, I believe that you deserve to be your happiest. even if that means I am not in the picture. although some of my regulars have been around since the start of my career, I understand that the need for my companionship is more than often temporary. and for however long we know each other for, I am truly grateful to be one of the people you choose to spend your most intimate moments with.
I also recognize that you can be truly In love with your wife, but feel happier being non-monogamous. I believe that we can have something so unique that speaks to a different part of you than your wife does. it doesn’t mean its better or worse - just different. and I think that is so beautiful.
I hope this post helps, send me an email if you try my tips. have fun fellas ;)